I am the girl who tried to disappear. The one who broke apart and drifted in the wind. Let go of herself so she didn't have to deal with life. I am the girl in the photos with the cheshire cat smile, stretched garishly across my face, all the while people wondering when she will next fade again. I am the one who fell down the rabbit hole and doesn't know how to get out again. The one people stopped looking for, realised was a lost cause. I wandered off the map and path that was set out, so deep into the gloom that the search seemed frivolous. That is who I am now. I don't know who else. All I know is that I am the girl who failed. I am failing at recovery, yet failing at life. I am failing at succeeding. I never meet expectations. I am always lagging behind.