The Happiness Project
2016, ‘New Year, new me.’ How many people are making the resolution to lose weight, go to the gym, quit smoking? You get the picture. Surprisingly enough, the change I need to make is not 'to loose weight', far too many years have I vowed this change, but for 2016 i'm taking a step back and recognising that a. I don't bloody need to and b. Sureley, even if I weren't the shape I am there are bigger goals to chase than weight loss? Now, I am a great believer that if you want to make a change, you should just do it, doesn’t wait for New Year, or next week. Start. In fact, to all my friends who have been making promises to ‘quit smoking in the new-year’ or ‘work harder next year’ my highly annoying response has been ‘Why wait?’ Yep, I’m that annoying bitch, but I must confess, I’ve decided to make a massive effort to make a change this year. It’s not a simple task that will last a couple of weeks or a month, it’s a project I plan to embark on for the long term and that is…to be happier. This may seem like a pretty huge and all encompassing desire, and it seems pretty daunting, but I cannot help but worry that I am in danger of letting my life slip by without truly appreciating it. For a 23 year old, this is a rather morbid sentiment, I grant you, but after reading Gretchen Rubin’s ‘the happiness project’ I began to question my own outlook on life and also wonder whether perhaps simply striving towards happiness could encourage my own recovery from anorexia. Over the past few months I’ve really struggled and with this eating became harder, the anorexic pull became stronger and talk from the professionals became more serious in tone. I don’t look at the number when I get on the scale, but I was made aware that things were slipping and there was cause for concern. I will confess, this comes with mixed emotions, I fear that the idea of losing weight will always come with a rush of adrenalin for me and a sense of pride. I award myself a mental gold star, but even with the shiny gold star, I know that really, I cannot let things slip. To the outside World, I suspect things at this end must look pretty rosy. I am that annoying girl who posts workout pictures constantly, often along side an inspirational quote or some sort of peppy, happy message. If not workout related, my instagram and twitter and facebook are littered with a nod to my love of caffeinated beverages, photos of my travels (often these encompass caffeine AND fitness) or to the fabulous time I’m having at drama school. I have a penchant for cringey hashtags including blessed, thisgirlcan, fitfam, girlswholift, wanderlust. I could go on, but I will save you the embarrassment. So yes, it all looks rather glittery and fabulous. A few weeks ago my therapist said something that really did make sense ‘You’re very good at appearing to be totally together, you like looking after everyone else and anorexia is the only way you feel able to accept care and be vulnerable yourself’. Ding ding ding. There are very few people in this World I am willing to be properly vulnerable with. To say ‘yep, I’m struggling or I feel shit’ often, I actually find it easier to share these emotions via social media and even then, I generally follow it with an inspirational message, which I’m not necessarily feeling. So why am I saying all of this? I suppose it is because I would like to feel something closer to the image I like to put forward, however, that being said, I think that for me, being able to be vulnerable without anorexia is also probably quite important. So, enough of this rambling and on to the fun stuff…My Happiness Project (or the changes Phebe and I will make this year in order to become happier, healthier zen warrior princesses) The plan: inspired by Rubin’s project and along side research I have done into happiness, I am going to set small, manageable habits and goals on a monthly basis. Each month will have a different theme or focus and I will try to make changes in order to achieve these goals. Along side this, I am going to try and create some habits to carry through the entire year, little things that will hopefully tie everything together. My friend Phebe will be embarking on the happiness journey with me (in whatever capacity she chooses), as we have both come to agree that we have had quite enough of all this shit and need a more ‘fuck it’ attitude to life. Phebe is a beautiful, sassy, talented lady I am blessed to be training along side. She is a kindred spirit with whom I’ve quickly connected, partly (I suspect) because we are both riddled with worries and every now and then need the other to go ‘you’re doing great, I promise’ in order to realign the crazy part of our brains that likes to tell us otherwise. Having someone in my life who has struggled with similar issues but is also determined to ‘live life to the full’ (don’t mock my cliché) is a blessing. I do not have to say ‘Phebe, today my head is giving me a shit ton of abuse and I think I am fat’, she knows (even if I am smiling), I also do not fear Phebe will judge me or think that I am attention seeking if I tell her I’m having a rough day or feeling crappy about myself (this is a common concern of mine). She gets it. Equally, I like being able to help Phebe when she is having a struggling, it makes me feel helpful and also often giving her advice makes me go “oh shit, that is what I NEED TO DO also”. We also have fun going out and boogeying. I will stop gushing about my spirit animal now. I am open to suggestions about tasks, goals, themes for the month, so if anyone has any please do not hesitate to drop me an email! However, with January fast approaching, I am setting a simple task that I hope will go towards the larger end goals (see below). I am unsure what this will entail exactly, but I think taking time to pamper and care for ourselves is important, so keep your eyes peeled for an update on the January game plan. I’m going to have a special part of my blog dedicated to all things happiness project! Hooray. I am also (as we have already discussed) a lover of visual stimulus and plan to keep a happiness journal, as well as document the journey on instagram. Have a look if you so fancy (but you have been warned about what my page entails and so cannot complain next time I hashtag gymbunny). So, here's to 2016 being the year Phebe and I become happier, healthier humans and learn to love ourselves in the process!
Insta: @maya.pillay or @phebefruit
Twitter: @maya_pillay
January- The Month of ‘Treat Yourself Right Darling’
To the outside World, I suspect things at this end must look pretty rosy. I am that annoying girl who posts workout pictures constantly, often along side an inspirational quote or some sort of peppy, happy message. If not workout related, my instagram and twitter and facebook are littered with a nod to my love of caffeinated beverages, photos of my travels (often these encompass caffeine AND fitness) or to the fabulous time I’m having at drama school. I have a penchant for cringey hashtags including blessed, thisgirlcan, fitfam, girlswholift, wanderlust. I could go on, but I will save you the embarrassment. So yes, it all looks rather glittery and fabulous. A few weeks ago my therapist said something that really did make sense ‘You’re very good at appearing to be totally together, you like looking after everyone else and anorexia is the only way you feel able to accept care and be vulnerable yourself’. Ding ding ding. There are very few people in this World I am willing to be properly vulnerable with. To say ‘yep, I’m struggling or I feel shit’ often, I actually find it easier to share these emotions via social media and even then, I generally follow it with an inspirational message, which I’m not necessarily feeling. So why am I saying all of this? I suppose it is because I would like to feel something closer to the image I like to put forward, however, that being said, I think that for me, being able to be vulnerable without anorexia is also probably quite important. So, enough of this rambling and on to the fun stuff…My Happiness Project (or the changes Phebe and I will make this year in order to become happier, healthier zen warrior princesses)
And so it begins, happiness-a go! So, this
month, in our bid for happiness, Phebe and I have decided on 2 simple
resolutions: 1. Self love Sunday and 2. Daily
Gratitude.
We may add to this and other happy things
will be embarked on this month, but bare with us, we’re just finding our happy
feet (sorry, couldn’t resist).
1. Self Love Sunday
Relax?! A dirty word
in my head and something I really struggle with. In today’s society my apparent
capacity to run around from 6am-11pm is something that is hailed as a talent,
realistically though, it’s not a good thing or something that others should
strive for. Even the energiser bunny withers and flops if not charged or looked
after and I have had a few days last term where I got to the point of being
totally out of juice. (Being told to take a nap in the corner during Laban is
NOT ok) I find it very difficult to allow myself to take a couple of hours just
to chill, so I think this is a good place to start. It is also pretty much the
opposite of the majority of people’s new year’s resolutions, and I enjoy this
small nod at rebellion. So, where to begin with relaxation? Given the fact that
realistically, we are really strapped for time what with the intense training
we have embarked on, please do not be expecting me to say I will get 10 hours
sleep a night and also spend 3 hours a day meditating, it is simply not
possible along side drama school. What is possible though and what I suspect
will be pretty mood boosting is taking 2 hours a week to ‘chill and pamper.’
So, Januaries plan: Self-Love Sunday
evening. On Sunday evening’s, Phebe and I will set aside 2 hours to spend
relaxing and pampering together. In essence, I think we should literally
‘netflix and chill’ (don’t be getting any ideas, I mean it in the LITERAL
sense). Choose a movie, grab some facemasks, nail polish or whatever the fuck
we choose and just relax, reflect and unwind at the end of the week. To a lot
of people this will probably sound pretty straight forward and simple, but for
2 people who find it quite hard to take time for ourselves and just…stop, it’s
going to be a challenge. It’s one I’m excited about though! Sadly for the first
Sunday of this month, I will still be on the other side of the World, but FEAR
NOT, we will be taking the time from opposite ends of the globe and documenting
our pampering appropriately.
I’m really excited
about this one, we can do whatever we want with our couple of hours, as long as
it’s about us, so let’s see what we come up with. Plus, I’m just happy to have
a couple of hours in the diary every week to relax and spend with Phebe. Watch
this space for what we get up to.
2. Daily Gratitude
Therapists REJOICE, for we are finally
taking your advice. Now, Phebe and I have both had a reasonable amount of
professional help to deal with life and stop us self-destructing. During the
course of many hours and many different types of therapy (from drama-therapy to
CBT to nutritional therapy to massage therapy…I could go on), something has
popped up quite a few times…the benefits of taking the time every day to
reflect on what went well/we are grateful for/made us happy that day. It’s
something I’ve said I will do for a long while, but have never actually stuck to,
so this year…We’re doing it. It’s started well, with our 3 good things flitting
there way across oceans on January 1st and I’ve got to say that it
was lovely to write down mine and reflect on what a GOOD day January 1st
was for me. It was also seriously mood enhancing and brought a smile to my face
to hear the things that made Phebe happy on the first day of the year. So yes,
this is one we are going to try and carry through. Wish us luck!
(On another note…I need a technological guru to help me work out how to post new things on this page, so I'm not just constantly updating the page…if that makes sense?! TECHNO WIZARD, I NEED YOU)
First off...apologies. We've been USELESS on the happiness updates. I can solemnly swear though that Phebe and I have not been quite as useless on the happiness (though we will hold up our hands and say we have not been perfect). What can we say...drama school is VERY full on, but we've tried. Promise. So, now the awkward apologies are out of the way, on to the updates. Hooray. Happiness. So, let's start with the good stuff. Phebe and I spent January doing self love Sunday's and daily positives and it was rather dreamy. As I previously confessed, I find stopping to rest quite a challenge and January was a very full on one in terms of workload. My general mood was often quite low and I was rather overwrought with rehearsals, luckily, my entire East15 career thus far has featured Phebe (I joke that we've been timetabled in every class together as the teacher's recognise her benefits to my mental well-being). Although things were quite tricky and we both had our ups and downs, we managed to implement having some lovely girl time on Sunday nights, and I can tell you, it was much needed. We did face masks, painted nails, made 'nice-cream', discussed boys and had pillow fights (the last one is a joke, but I just recognised how cliche it all sounded). Putting the week to bed and starting the next on a positive was exactly what I needed and definitely boosted my mood. There's nothing better than a night of lovely indulgence with Phebe and I can definitely say having Sunday nights as ours as much as we could was utterly delightful. We both tried as hard as we could with our daily positives, but this was quite challenging. As I mentioned before, it's something therapists had suggested to us both in the past, and I think we came to realise that there was a reason neither of us had ever implemented it. For 2 young ladies who struggle a lot with anxiety and mental health conditions, quite often it's hard to see the good in a very hard day, especially when you feel you have failed/not done well enough as you go to bed. It wasn't perfect, but we tried. Some days we texted them to each other, others we just recorded them. They ranged from the tiny to the big recovery wins and when we managed it, they were rather delightful to read. I'm going to try and carry this one on, at least a couple of days a week. We then moved on the February in our whistle stop tour of happiness things. Now, Phebe came up with a fabulous February plan. Each day, we gave each other a word that we had to embody as much as we possibly could all day...yes my friends, there were days of simple ideas: brave. For example and other days of slightly more out there "female boss (take on your inner Beyoncé)" was a good one, sassy was also lots of fun. I suspect people at school may have thought Phebe and I had slightly lost it when, during a particularly tricky rehearsal I had Phebe yelling at me "MAGICAL MAYA, MAGICAL", but hey, it seemed to work! I found myself at points muttering the word Phebe had given me for the day at moments I was struggling and it seemed to help. Reminding myself there was more to me than the negative thoughts I was putting on myself made me feel stronger. When Phebe was having a shitty day, Dan (we love Dan), asked what her word that day was. Phebe confessed that we'd let the words slip for a few days, to which Dan reprimanded. Clearly, our words were making a difference. I had fun being magical (I poured glitter over my housemate on this day, as she was having a tough one) and I loved seeing Phebe believe in and recognise the strength I see in her everyday. The words...good shout Phebe. Now it is March. We've had a rather hectic end to the term, but our choice for March has been 'dares'. Watch this space for more updates. I'm not sure we're quite ninja warrior princesses, but we're on our way and trying. And learning to be ok when we fucked up. More of the "fuck it" attitudes please and a hell of a lot more magical sass. Any ideas for our happiness project, please don't hesitate to send. Phebe and I are always open to suggestions and will be updating still through insta and Twitter. xxxx
Where have you been all my life?!
First off...apologies. We've been USELESS on the happiness updates. I can solemnly swear though that Phebe and I have not been quite as useless on the happiness (though we will hold up our hands and say we have not been perfect). What can we say...drama school is VERY full on, but we've tried. Promise. So, now the awkward apologies are out of the way, on to the updates. Hooray. Happiness. So, let's start with the good stuff. Phebe and I spent January doing self love Sunday's and daily positives and it was rather dreamy. As I previously confessed, I find stopping to rest quite a challenge and January was a very full on one in terms of workload. My general mood was often quite low and I was rather overwrought with rehearsals, luckily, my entire East15 career thus far has featured Phebe (I joke that we've been timetabled in every class together as the teacher's recognise her benefits to my mental well-being). Although things were quite tricky and we both had our ups and downs, we managed to implement having some lovely girl time on Sunday nights, and I can tell you, it was much needed. We did face masks, painted nails, made 'nice-cream', discussed boys and had pillow fights (the last one is a joke, but I just recognised how cliche it all sounded). Putting the week to bed and starting the next on a positive was exactly what I needed and definitely boosted my mood. There's nothing better than a night of lovely indulgence with Phebe and I can definitely say having Sunday nights as ours as much as we could was utterly delightful. We both tried as hard as we could with our daily positives, but this was quite challenging. As I mentioned before, it's something therapists had suggested to us both in the past, and I think we came to realise that there was a reason neither of us had ever implemented it. For 2 young ladies who struggle a lot with anxiety and mental health conditions, quite often it's hard to see the good in a very hard day, especially when you feel you have failed/not done well enough as you go to bed. It wasn't perfect, but we tried. Some days we texted them to each other, others we just recorded them. They ranged from the tiny to the big recovery wins and when we managed it, they were rather delightful to read. I'm going to try and carry this one on, at least a couple of days a week. We then moved on the February in our whistle stop tour of happiness things. Now, Phebe came up with a fabulous February plan. Each day, we gave each other a word that we had to embody as much as we possibly could all day...yes my friends, there were days of simple ideas: brave. For example and other days of slightly more out there "female boss (take on your inner Beyoncé)" was a good one, sassy was also lots of fun. I suspect people at school may have thought Phebe and I had slightly lost it when, during a particularly tricky rehearsal I had Phebe yelling at me "MAGICAL MAYA, MAGICAL", but hey, it seemed to work! I found myself at points muttering the word Phebe had given me for the day at moments I was struggling and it seemed to help. Reminding myself there was more to me than the negative thoughts I was putting on myself made me feel stronger. When Phebe was having a shitty day, Dan (we love Dan), asked what her word that day was. Phebe confessed that we'd let the words slip for a few days, to which Dan reprimanded. Clearly, our words were making a difference. I had fun being magical (I poured glitter over my housemate on this day, as she was having a tough one) and I loved seeing Phebe believe in and recognise the strength I see in her everyday. The words...good shout Phebe. Now it is March. We've had a rather hectic end to the term, but our choice for March has been 'dares'. Watch this space for more updates. I'm not sure we're quite ninja warrior princesses, but we're on our way and trying. And learning to be ok when we fucked up. More of the "fuck it" attitudes please and a hell of a lot more magical sass. Any ideas for our happiness project, please don't hesitate to send. Phebe and I are always open to suggestions and will be updating still through insta and Twitter. xxxx
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