Got to keep swimming

Yet again, just finished dinner and feeling rather miserable about it all. It all felt a bit much to me and I ended up quite distressed. Mum and I had a little spat about potatoes, which just sounds absolutely ridiculous when I write it down. I felt mum had chosen potatoes which were too big and she would not budge, so we were both quite agitated. It's insane, because about everything but food really I am rational and sensible, but then it comes to my phobia and I completely lose it all. It drives me mad and frustrates and upsets mum. Mum and I ended the spat with me yelling "I WISH I COULD JUST TURN ANOREXIA OFF TOO". I think at that point mum understood that I hate being so silly as much as she does. It ruins everything. Even my day today, I wasn't able to spend the day with dad and some visitors, because of getting my food in. Instead, like a little child once again, I had to go to work with mum, to make sure I ate. So I was sat in the hospital cafe for about 2 hours. I managed to get some work done, so that was good, but I couldn't help feeling horribly sad about where i've got. At the age of 20 I am once again dependent, because I can't care and nurture myself. I'm like a toddler, needing help to eat, being chaperoned.

Wow, this post has got a bit depressing.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.