tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post9058703278276871375..comments2023-05-28T02:29:11.236-07:00Comments on Feed Me: Humiliation is never sweet...Maya Pillayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13913448886191498491noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-75207647475097842372013-06-30T03:14:43.157-07:002013-06-30T03:14:43.157-07:00most people don't understand what it feels lik...most people don't understand what it feels like, people say all the right things but have never been through having an eating disorder themselves. I don't have a lot to say, except I did battle an eating disorder and I can honestly say I am recovered. I never thought I would and it was a long journey, but I did :) things started at about 11, and although by 15-16 I was tecnically a healthy weight again it was still in the back of my mind constantly. it has only been the past 2 years, since I was 20 that I realised I'm happy, I have days like everyone else of criticising myself, but I realise there is so much more to life. that voice in my head is never coming back, I wont let it.<br />you have to let go of control, it is the scariest thing to do as it is all about control I know. but you have to give up, let someone take over, it is horrible at first, but it works. life is full of uncertainties, you cant control, you have to accept that. as simple as it sounds- eat, I still remember being forced to drink a massive calorie laden smoothie every night, but the more weight I put on, although hard at first, the quieter that anorexic voice in my head got. I cant remember when it went, but I just realised one day it wasn't there anymore.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-9595457807628663102013-04-14T19:35:30.510-07:002013-04-14T19:35:30.510-07:00You are so talented I couldn't ever dream of w...You are so talented I couldn't ever dream of writing like you do. Keep up with your recovery Maya! You can do it. xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-30523334997717844922013-04-09T21:03:11.282-07:002013-04-09T21:03:11.282-07:00I was shocked when I read that you fear you won...I was shocked when I read that you fear you won't have anything to hold on to once you stop being (super) skinny, and yet you are able to clearly portray what you feel and how convoluted your emotions are. Maya you have an incredible writing style, I am proud to say that I don't have any sort of mental illness (well, that I know of, is any of this real? who could know really!) and yet I couldn't dream of describing my emotions with the clarity that you have. Who knows, with your skill and experience, you could be the next Ken Kesey (One flew over the Cuckoos Nest, worth a read!). <br /><br />Anyway I know this wasn't by any means the main message behind your blog, and it was devastating to read, but I just couldn't shake myself away from your style of writing. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-22559134319255448382013-04-09T16:26:43.075-07:002013-04-09T16:26:43.075-07:00Thank you so much for your kind words. I know that...Thank you so much for your kind words. I know that weight doesn't affect my friends views of me, I know that cognitively and in theory. I know I don't give a damn about whether my friends are fat or thin, but I still can't fully believe that people will still be there at the end. Thank you though.Maya Pillayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13913448886191498491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-82747263671410974812013-04-09T16:24:58.879-07:002013-04-09T16:24:58.879-07:00Thank you so much for sharing that. Good luck with...Thank you so much for sharing that. Good luck with recovery, it takes a lot, as i'm sure you know xMaya Pillayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13913448886191498491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-60273283379984936682013-04-09T16:24:16.890-07:002013-04-09T16:24:16.890-07:00Oh no, it is not that I don't want to feel all...Oh no, it is not that I don't want to feel all of those things. I wish I could, so so desperately. Sorry, I didn't explain that very well Maya Pillayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13913448886191498491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-52588254901449957132013-04-09T15:46:32.360-07:002013-04-09T15:46:32.360-07:00its sad that you don't want to feel intelligen...its sad that you don't want to feel intelligent, kind and loveable as they are all great qualities to see in someoneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-1954685047930104972013-04-09T15:10:04.164-07:002013-04-09T15:10:04.164-07:00Hi Maya
I am also suffering from anorexia and hav...Hi Maya<br /><br />I am also suffering from anorexia and have been following your blog. I completely relate to your post and it is really spooky because I read something this evening that was also about the fear of change. I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you...<br /><br />'Why is it so hard for us to part with our defects? One major reason for most of us is fear. We are comfortable with our old ways of thinking and acting, even though we know they are harmful. We have no idea what we'd do without them because we've never known how to cope with life any other way. Often we feel we'd be less interesting human beings without some of our defects. While we don't enjoy the pain they often cause us, they are so much a part of us that the thought of having them suddenly removed is threatening to us. <br /><br />Change is always frightening, even when it's a much needed and long-overdue change for the better. Many of us have wasted years and suffered a lot of pain on order to avoid having to change. Although we may not realise it at first, our commitment to embrace the needed changes in ourselves will give us an extrodinary power to deal with life's challenges. No longer will we go through life clinging desperately to the past, resistant to chance. Having such an attitude, we cannot fail. We will become wiser, saner, more effective people as we recover from this disease. We'll find we can cope with both good times- and bad, learning and growing from each experience.'<br /><br />I really hope you don't mind me sharing this with you. It's just, I could relate so much to what you were saying and I want you to know that you're not alone in these thoughts.<br /><br />Take care xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994355029157601232.post-16360030069292871292013-04-09T10:26:50.262-07:002013-04-09T10:26:50.262-07:00But you aren't big and never have been. You we...But you aren't big and never have been. You were always petite. I know you won't believe that but you were. So stop being scared of something you never were. <br />And please don't ever think anyone could ever not love you or not think you're great or not want to be your friend. Weight doesn't affect real friend's perception of beauty, character, personality etc. <br />You will never not be beautiful so stop being scared and come back to us.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com